匿名
匿名 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 6 年前

為一個女仔作嘅歌詞 想睇下文法岩唔岩

Answer

I say I love you

You say you don’t trust me

I say I love you

You ask, Is it ture?

I still remember the day i met you

And that was the best day of my life

I know you have feelings for me

So let’s get together

Breakfast, with you

Study, with you

Travel, with you

Marry, would you?

I can’t explain how much I love you

You can’t understand i love you so oh

Oh I would do anything for you

And I just want you to know, I love you

But those are my imagine, I want it to be ture

can you just give me a chance, and let we fall in love

為左個女仔而作嘅..但自己英文唔好,又想作英文歌 所以以我劣劣的英文知識作左呢首歌詞

想知文法有無唔岩..亦希望可以比啲意見呢首詞@@

萬分感謝!!!

3 個解答

評分
  • 6 年前
    最愛解答

    Very good!

    Just a couple errors:

    But this is my imagination, I want it to be true (it = imagination, singular uncounted)

    can you just give me a chance, and let us fall in love (let's or let us)

    2015-01-12 04:43:51 補充:

    Well done!

    Just a couple grammatical errors:

    1. But this is my imagination, I want it to be true (it = imagination, singular uncounted noun)

    2. can you just give me a chance, and let us fall in love (let's or let us)

    For parallelism:

    Breakfast, with you ==> changed to Eat / Dine, with you

    Study, with you

    Travel, with you

    Marry, would you?

    (eat/dine, study, travel, marry are verbs)

  • 6 年前

    多謝你們@@

    你地兩個既意見都好有用!!! 萬分感謝!!!!

  • 6 年前

    We don't have the music so it's difficult to give advice on alternatives as they may not fit in with the music. Dustin has told you the two mistakes so I will mention just three things.

    1) You say you don't trust me > You want to please a girl yet you accuse her of not trusting you?

    2015-01-12 06:53:11 補充:

    Trust is a strong word. Not believing or doubting are milder. You can say things like she takes no notice.

    2) Marry, would you? > Marry him? Marry some day? A bit rush too. She's not even your GF.

    3) You can't understand I love you so > If she can't understand, what makes her change?

    2015-01-12 06:57:08 補充:

    Try not to say someone can't do something unless you're breaking up with him/her. Be positive. I'll show you. You'll understand. Everyone will see.

    I'm not saying you can't use those lines but I'd avoid words that my love interest may think I consider her inferior.

    2015-01-12 06:58:15 補充:

    After all, it's not just a song but a gift for THE ONE.

    Don Black is a great lyricist and his advice is "Always try and write for yourself. Don't copy and don't follow. You are unique. There's only one of you. Try and put your individual signature on each song."

還有問題嗎?立即提問即可得到解答。