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匿名 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 6 年前

Ielts Task 1 改文

The line graph illustrates the situation of immigrate to UK for three countries between 1940 and 1970. General, the immigrant from West India, India and Pakistan increased so much during last thirty years.

In 1940, there was around one thousand West Indian and four thousand people from India and Pakistan entered U.K. From this tome, two line gradually increased to six thousand. However,number of West Indians immigrating to Britain surpassed other two countries in 1951. It rose to eighteen thousand in 1955 and then dropped to nine thousand in 1957 which same as India and Pakistan.

Following 1957, number of West Indians that immigrating to UK suddenly jumped from nine thousands to thirty-five thousand while the immigrant from India and Pakistan declined little in the same time. After that, there was a significant slump in foreigner who was the citizen of West India. On the other hand, more Indian and Pakistani moved to UK which went up from one thousand to twenty-five thousand in 1970.

In conclude, more West Indian, Indian and Pakistani moved to U.K. pass last thirty years which increased from five thousand in 1940 to twenty-five thousand in 1970. For the movement of the immigrant that went to UK, West India was unpredictable while India and Pakistan were more stable.

Please

更新:

Gary: Would you mind to say more?

2 個解答

評分
  • Gary
    Lv 7
    6 年前
    最愛解答

    Based on IELTS scale, not higher than 4.

    1. Serious singular/plural noun issue - Almost everyone is incorrect.

    2. Minor tense issues

    3. Choice of words - Britain or U.K. or UK?

    4. Word forms

    2014-06-13 03:36:37 補充:

    I do mind.

    The reason is you have to learn from your mistakes. So there is no point if I point out your mistakes.

    I can give you a hint - basically you will be able to find at least 1 problem for each sentence.

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  • 6 年前

    改了Grammar

    The line graph illustrates the situation of immigrate to UK for three countries between 1940 and 1970. General, the immigrant from West India, India and Pakistan increased so much during last thirty years.

    In 1940, there was around one thousand West Indian and four thousand people from India and Pakistan entered U.K. From this tome, two lines gradually increased to six thousand. However, number of West Indians immigrating to Britain surpassed other two countries in 1951. It rose to eighteen thousand in 1955 and then dropped to nine thousand in 1957 which same as India and Pakistan.

    Following 1957, number of West Indians that immigrating to UK suddenly jumped from nine thousands to thirty-five thousand while the immigrant from India and Pakistan declined little in the same time. After that, there was a significant slump in foreigner who was the citizen of West India. On the other hand, more Indian and Pakistani moved to UK which went up from one thousand to twenty-five thousand in 1970.

    In conclusion, more West Indian, Indian and Pakistani moved to U.K. pass last thirty years which increased from five thousand in 1940 to twenty-five thousand in 1970. For the movement of the immigrant that went to UK, West India was unpredictable while India and Pakistan were more stable.

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