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匿名 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 7 年前

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The bar chart displays the percentage of UK and international gaining second class degrees or better in 2009 respectively. Generally speaking, they have similar performances.

Among eight disciplines, UK and international students held the same share in the of areas of nursing and accountancy, with approximately 70% and 60% respectively.

Regarding technical discipline, namely electrical engineering and information technology, there is higher percentage of international students obtaining second class degrees or better. A stark difference can be found in the area of information technology, which resulted in 30% difference.

For the remaining disciplines, it is acknowledged that larger percentage of UK students got second class degree or above, like English literature, art history, international law and sociology. Its percentage increase with international students varies from around 5% to 20%.

Furthermore, international students performed the best particularly in the area of information technology while the worst relatively in the area of international law. On the other hand, UK students performed the best both in art history and sociology while the worst in the area of information technology.

Overall, it is concluded that UK and international students has similar percentage in gaining second class degrees or better.

1 個解答

評分
  • Gary
    Lv 7
    7 年前
    最愛解答

    Not higher than 6 based on IELTS grading scale:

    1. Tense - excessive use of passive voice. For example, you said, "...there is higher percentage of international students obtaining second class degrees or better." I would say, "...more international students obtaining second class degrees or better than those from the UK..."

    2. Article - some articles are not necessary. Some are missing.

    The bar chart displays the percentage of UK and international gaining second class degrees or better in 2009 respectively. Generally speaking, they have similar performances.

    3. Wording - there are many excessive, unnecessary words, such as "Regarding technical discipline, namely electrical engineering and information technology..." I would say, "In electrical engineering and information technology..."

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