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paris 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 8 年前

練習雅思寫作~有人可以幫我建議&打分數嗎

題目:In many countries, more and more young people are leaving school and unable to find jobs after graduation, what problems do you think youth unemployment will cause to the individual and the society ? Give reasons and make some suggestions.

作文:

More and more graduated students, they cannot find job after they graduated, most student choose to keep study or working holiday to temporally skip facing the problem, there are several reason to explain why cause that problem.

The beginning with the reason is education. Because the 95% of students can easily get in the university, the government want to make people have high degree, but do not focus on student’s real interesting. Therefore, when they graduated from school they cannot find job soon. Students go to graduate school to up themselves and get the higher degree.

Second, too many freshmen from university and they do not have enough experience or professional skills. For example, most Taiwanese students, their the fist job is not about their major in school. The government has the most responsibility in the issue, because the education system focuses on grades and not make students to find out their real interesting major.

To conclude, if we want to improve the issues to rectify and reform education that is the most important we should do. Even though the reform need long time to achieve, but we do that is better do nothing.

更新:

Serge Ibaka # 9,謝謝您!

文章有文法錯誤的地方嗎?或是怎麼寫可以更好呢~

1 個解答

評分
  • 8 年前
    最愛解答

    我覺得你寫得很好! 基本上是沒問題

    資料來源: me
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