Tommy 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 7 年前

(Presentation)求知識長/神手幫check文法

Topic: Promoting Fund Raising event(Presentation)

Intro:

Good afternoon, everyone, I am Jo Lee, Fund Raising Officer at Children’s Cancer Foundation. Thank you for donors’ supporting. Thanks for patients and their families. Today I will explain the mission and services of our charity and need for fund raising. I hope you will understand to support our work and make donations. Firstly, I will talk about the services and reasons of donate to our charity.

Body:

As the public knows little about us, now I introduce our charity and describe our mission and work. We are improve the quality of life for young cancer patients and their families in caring for their physical, psychological and social well- being. Subvention is not provided from government, community chest and Hong Kong Jocky Club.

Also, we offer lots of services in hospitals, families and community. In hospital, we are helping young patients to overcome their negative feelings and upgrade equipment and facilities in public hospitals, purchasing expensive drugs and prostheses, and funding essential research. The survival rates are improved. Through support groups, we help them to handle a child with cancer since professional counseling can listen and explain the happening and expectancy for family. In the community, we are always planning exhibitions and talks about childhood cancer while distributing publications and newsletters. Let the publics to understand more about childhood cancer.

In addiction, there are 3 reasons to donate in Charity which is only organization to offer similar services. Donations are relied on public, private and community solely. Since we had not enough donations, the services were trimmed. It was a problem in last year.

Conclusion:

I have mentioned the services in our charity and the importance of donations. Thank you for appreciating from doctors and Hospital Authority. I hope everyone can make donations and support for us enthusiastically. Thank you.

更新:

有d logic可能錯左 煩請提醒 thx!!

2 個解答

評分
  • 7 年前
    最愛解答

    Intro:

    Good afternoon, everyone[.] I am Jo Lee, [the] Fund Raising Officer at Children’s Cancer Foundation. [First of all, I would like to thank the donors, patients and their families for their support to us.] Today[,] I will [talk about our] mission[,] services and fundraising [activities]. I hope you will understand [us better after this presentation and] support our work [through different means in the future].

    Body:

    As [we might not be that well-known to] the public [compared to other charities], [it may be good to start by introducing our mission and services first]. [Our mission is to] improve the quality of life for young cancer patients and their families [by] caring for their physical, psychological and social well-being. [We do not receive any subvention] from [the] government, [the Community Chest] and [the] Hong Kong [Jockey] Club.

    [And], we [provide] lots of [different] services in hospitals, families and community. In [hospitals], we [help] young patients to overcome their negative feelings[,] upgrade [the hospital's] equipment and facilities [if the hospital is a public one], [purchase] expensive drugs and prostheses, and [fund] essential research. [After we provided services in hospitals, the] survival [rate] [was seen to increase]. [In families, through] support groups, we help [parents take care of their children] with cancer. [Also, through] professional counseling[, we] listen [what the families think and feel,] and explain [to them what's happening and their expectations]. In the community, we [organize] exhibitions and talks about childhood cancer [and distribute our] publications and newsletters [, so as to let the public] understand more about childhood cancer.

    [As we are the] only organization to offer [all] the services [mentioned and our funds solely come from] donations[, your donations would be essential for maintaining our services for the needy in Hong Kong.]

    2013-06-22 21:54:54 補充:

    [In fact,] since we had [insufficient] donations, our services were [sized down last year]. [That] was a problem [to us].

    Conclusion:

    I [hope the presentation would let you know more about the Children’s Cancer Foundation.] [Last but not least, I would like to thank for all the support to us again,

    2013-06-22 21:56:56 補充:

    especially that from the doctors and the Hospital Authority.] [I hope you will continue to support us in different ways like donating and volunteering, so that we can continue to serve those in need in Hong Kong.]

    Thank you.

    2013-06-22 22:04:18 補充:

    1. 你 firstly 那句可不要,因為你已沒有其他內容可說 secondly 了。

    2. 你並沒有三個原因叫人捐錢,你只是把一個「原因,闡述」分成三句而已。

    3. 不要總是把捐錢掛在口邊吧,婉轉一些。

    資料來源: 自己
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