Ben 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 8 年前

可否幫我改一改這2篇作文?

1)

topic : my mother bought a little puppy (P.5)

Last week, I walked along the road after school. I saw a dog very cute in the pet

shop. I hope I can buy it. When I arrived home, I told mum that I wanted to buy

a dog. But she won't bought because she didn't like it.

Next day, I heard a dog bark from my home. I ran into home. I was amazing.

My mother said that this was your birthday present.

It has a short tail, his fur is golden and a pairs of small eyes. I wash him once a

week. I take for a walk in the park everynight.

I feel my dog is my best friend because it always accompany with me when I

stay at home.

I decide I will take good care of it forever.

2)

My dream job

My dream job is to be a policeman when I was young. I think that they are brave

and helpful. They catch the robbers and the bad guys. It is dangerous. I am

proud of them.

I hope I will practise my body to be more strong and fit. I want to protect the

people in need and stop the crime.I take them into the policestation.

So, I will try my best to study hard and my dream job will be come ture.

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    1)

    topic : my mother bought a little puppy (P.5)

    Last week, when I was wandering along the road after school, I saw an adorable little puppy. I hope I can adopt it. When I arrived home, I told mum about my thought. But she didn't really like my idea since she doesn't like dogs.

    The next day, I heard a dog barking in my home. I quickly rushed into it. I was totally astonished and amazed that my mother bought me a little puppy as a birthday present!

    The lovely puppy has a short tail, golden fur and a pair of small but attractive eyes. I bathe him once a week. I walk it in the park every night.

    My dog is my best friend and also best fellow because it always accompanies me when I'm bored at home .

    I've made up my mind and will take good care of it forever.

    2)

    My dream job

    My dream job is to be a policeman. I think policemen are valorous

    and helpful. They catch bad guys and stop the crime. They always help peope in need. I admire their braveness very much and I want to be one of them when I grow up. Although being a policeman is a formidable and tough challenge, I will train myself to be stronger and fitter, study hard and never give up in order to achieve my goal.

    資料來源: I revised these 2 passages all by myself. All rights reserved. I hope you'll only take them as references. Thanks.
  • 8 年前

    1.topic : my mother bought a little puppy (P.5)

    Last week, I walked along the road after school. I saw a dog which is very cute in the pet

    shop. I hope I can buy it. When I arrived home, I told mum that I wanted to buy

    the dog. But she won't buy it because she don't like dogs.

    Next day, I heard a dog barking from my home. I ran into home. I was amazed.

    My mother said that it was my birthday present.

    It has a short tail, his fur is golden and a pair of small eyes. I wash him once a

    week. I walk it in the park everynight.

    My dog is my best friend because it always accompany with me when I

    stay at home.

    I decide to take good care of it forever.

    2.My dream job

    My dream job is to be a policeman. I think that they are brave

    and helpful. They catch the robbers and the bad guys. It is dangerous. I am

    proud of them.

    I will practise my body to be more strong and fit. I want to protect the

    people in need and stop the crime.I will take them to the police station.

    So, I will try my best to study hard and my dream job will come ture.

  • S
    Lv 6
    8 年前

    1)

    topic : my mother bought a little puppy (P.5)

    Last week, I walked along the road after school. I saw a dog which was very cute in the pet shop. I hope I can buy it. When I arrived home, I told mum that I want to buy a dog but she will not buy because she don't like it.

    Next day, I heard a dog barked from my home. I ran into home. I was amazed.

    My mother said that this was my birthday present.

    It has a short tail. His fur is golden and has a pair of small eyes. I wash him once a week. I take him for a walk in the park everynight.

    I feel my dog is my best friend because it always accompanies with me when I

    stay at home.

    I decide I will take care of it forever.

    2)

    My dream job

    My dream job is to be a policeman when I was young. I think that they are brave and helpful. They catch robbers and bad guys. It is dangerous. I am

    proud of them.

    I hope I will practise my body to be more strong and fit. I want to protect

    people in need and stop the crime. I take them into the police station

    so I will try my best to study hard. My dream job will be come true.

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