please help me to correct

Dear Mr. Wong,

Referring to our conversation over the phone this morning, we are writing to complain the above captioned repair work.

On 3 November 2012 at 03:50, the lift No.6 was out of order. After your technician inspection, a door spring has been replaced by your technician. At 04:55, the lift has been resumed to normal operation.

However, to our disappointment, the Lift No.6 was tripped again and our staffs were trapped in the lift at 08:08.

For this case, you are required to give us a breakdown report and explain why the above-mentioned lift was breakdown twice times yesterday.

Besides, you are requested to attend the site meeting to explain the case.

You prompt reply is requested.

Should you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me at xxxx.

Thank you for your attention.

Yours faithfully,

2 個解答

評分
  • YIP
    Lv 7
    7 年 前
    最佳解答

    Dear Mr. Wong,

    Referring to our conversation over the phone this morning, and I'm writing to complain about the lift No.6 repaired work.

    On 3 November 2012 at 3:50p.m., the lift No.6 was out of order. After your technician's inspection, a door had been fixed and the spring being replaced by your technician. At 4:55p.m., the lift had been resumed to normal operation.

    However, to my surprise, the Lift No.6 had tripped again and my staffs were trapped in the lift at 8:08p.m..

    For this case, you are required to give me a breakdown report and explain why the above-mentioned lift was breakdown twice yesterday.

    Besides, you are requested to attend the site meeting to explain the case.

    You prompt reply is requested.

    Should you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me at xxxx.

    Thank you for your attention.

    Yours faithfully,

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  • 過客
    Lv 7
    7 年 前

    都幾多句子要改:

    1. Referring to our conversation over the phone this morning

    可改為: Refer to our telephone conversation this morning.

    2. 唔明白你點解用 : we are writing 而唔用 I am writing to complaint the repair work provided by your company.

    3. lift no.6 - 唔好用 "THE" lift no.6 因為 lift no.6 而指明了六號 lift,無須再用"the" 了。

    4. After your technician inspection 可改為 After checking by your technician.

    5. However, to our disappointment, 用 To my disappointment 以可以了。

    6. Lift No.6 was tripped again 唔明點解用 tripped ,點解唔用較簡單的broken down.

    7. Staff 一般不加 "s" 衆數的。

    8. For this case 可改為 In this case.

    9. you are required to give us a breakdown report and explain why the above-mentioned lift was breakdown twice times yesterday. 可改為 I strongly requested that a written report has to be submitted within xxx and clearly stated that what was the problem to cause this incident.

    10. 上款唔好用 Dear Mr Wong,用 Mr Wong 已可以了配合你信中的強烈字眼,下款要用 sincerely ,如 Dear Sir 或 Dear Madam (没有人名的)才可用 faithfully.

    資料來源: myself
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