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匿名 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 8 年前

小學英文作文.我唔知自己錯麥.可以幫我改改佢?

MY favorite animals

My parents brought me a dog when I was a child .

The dog is called rocket. It is the most of clever dog

I had ever seen.

I played with Rocket everyday and I got much fun

with it and I didn't know how to describe how happiness

I had. Since a day. We had been walking on the path at

night. We also were playing and running but we didn't

know someone was following us. suddenly the guy come

out and going to rob my wallet with the knife but rocket

going to attack him as fast as it can. finally the robber

was afraid of rocket's brave and I had save from rocket

Rocket was getting injury in Rocket's leg and I immediately

to hug rocket and run as fast as I could back home. And my

father helped rocket wound a bandage around it leg. And my

parents also admired rocket of it's brave.

And now, Rocket had gone since five years. And I was

happy because rocket was happy because rocket was oldest

enough to be dead But now, I won't going to have another dog

because I was busy in my job, I don't have much time to fed

dog.

我想知道自己錯麥.同解釋下我點錯.多謝解答.PLZ

6 個解答

評分
  • 8 年前
    最愛解答

    My parents bought me a dog when I was a child.

    The dog was called Rocket. He was the cleverest dog I had ever seen.

    I played with Rocket every day and I had lots of fun

    with him. I don't know how to describe the happiness

    I had had.

    One night, we were walking and playing and running as usual. We had not

    realised someone was following us. Suddenly a guy popped

    out and tried to grab my wallet with a knife! Rocket

    attacked him as fast as it could. The guy was frightened off.

    Rocket injured himself and I immediately

    brought him home. My

    father cleaned Rocket's wound and covered a bandage over it.

    My parents admired Rocket's bravery.

    Now, Rocket had gone for 5 years because of old age.

    But I am not planning to have another dog. I am busy with my job and

    don't have much time to feed any pets.

    GRAMMAR CORRECTED WITH MINIMAL CHANGES TO CONTENT

    1)Rocket過左身: 所有description都用past tense.

    2)everyday (adj.) e.g. my everyday routine ; every day (adv.)

    3) "how to describe how happiness I had" --> how MUCH happiness sb has/ how HAPPY sb IS

    4)"walking on the path at night" --> THE path? 你從冇mention過有咩path,

    so 個path唔應該有"指定0個條" ge 意思

    5) "the guy come out" --> THE guy? 冇人現過身, so 同上。

    6) "I immediately to hug rocket "---> (i) I immediately hugged rocket; (ii) 如果想講抱佢走, 唔係hug(靜止ge動作), 比較好: i held him in my arms and brought him to...

    7) for 5 years, since 1998

    8) "won't going to"===> won't / is going to

    句式層面:

    -句子冗長而意思唔到。所以大量縮減冇意義ge句子/合併

    -用得太多"and"

    內容層面:

    -如以my favourite animals (<--plural) 為題, 唔該唔好寫你隻寵物, 要寫就寫dogs, 全世界ge 狗; 仲要唔只寫dogs, 寫多一兩種動物。當然寫ge野會general d。

    -題目應改為: My pet

    一開始你決定用"clever" lee個形容詞ge時間,你會expect全篇野都描繪佢ge智慧, 但你之後強調ge係rocket 的 bravery.

    -你最尾0個段無論grammar點改, 都無法掩飾你ge冷血無情(阿匿名兄都並不無道理) : feed 係指餵野食- 估唔到你上面寫到rocket 同你共過患難咁偉大, 而最後你將養寵物ge經過以餵飼兩字作總結

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  • Jenkin
    Lv 7
    8 年前

    乜乜小朋友

    寫故事/記敘全用past tense.尤其是這些(包估隻狗)都是在你小時候發生了的事,不是今天的情況...

    e.g. The dog was called rocket. It was the most of clever dog

    I had ever seen.

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  • Lovis
    Lv 7
    8 年前

    My parents bought me a dog(1) when i was a child. We named him(2) Rocket. He was the cleverest dog that I have ever met(3).

    I played with Rocket every day(4) and I had so much fun. This was some happiness that i could hardly (難以) describe.

    One night(5), I walked Rocket(6) as usual. We were playing and running along the path. Suddenly, a guy came/popped out(7) from no where and tried to rob me(8) with a knife. He tried to take my wallet. Rocket saw this and he attacked the robber immediately. The robber was freaked out/panicked (恐慌) and ran away. I was saved(9) but Rocket hurt his leg. I hold him in my arms(10) and ran home as fast as I could. Luckily, the wound was not too bad that my father could wrapped it with some bandage (包紮傷口). My parents were also amazed (驚訝) by Rocket's brave behavior.

    Now, Rocket has passed away for almost five years. I have no sorrow (悲傷) because Rocket lived a great life till his last breath(11). However, I am not going to have another dog(12) because I am busy with my (home)work(13). I will not be able to spare much time for it(14).

    ***************************************************************************************

    There is word limitation so i put explanation in the supplementary section.

    2012-07-30 02:28:00 補充:

    (1) If your parents didn't buy the dog, but instead got it for free, you can say, " My parents brought home a dog when i was a child."

    (2) Even though Rocket is a dog, you could still use "he/him" instead of "it".

    (3) I HAD ever seen = 你以前遇過最聰明的狗,但現在己有比牠更聰明的

    I HAVE ever seen = 直到現在,牠還是我遇過最聰明的狗

    2012-07-30 02:28:29 補充:

    I replaced SEEN with MET. To me, it makes more sense to tell if someone is clever only if you meet the person

    (4) Every day mean each day. Everyday is an adjective. (eg. This is my everyday routine)

    2012-07-30 02:30:00 補充:

    Please see the rest at 意見

    2012-07-30 02:30:24 補充:

    (5) "Since one day" does not mean直至有一日. There is no "since one day" in English but instead "until one day". If i have to explain "Since one day", that would be 直至有一日起. It doesn't make sense at all.

    (6) Walk dog = 放狗

    2012-07-30 02:30:42 補充:

    (7) It happened in the past, so you have to keep the who incident in past tense. Come--> Came. Or you can say popped out, 即個賊彈出嚟.

    (8) Usually rob someone or some places, but not rob your wallet.

    (9) Hug = 擁抱. If you want to say 抱住, it is hold something in arms

    2012-07-30 02:30:55 補充:

    (10) your original sentence: "I was happy because Rocket was happy because Rocket was oldest enough to be dead" = 我之前開心,因為Rocket開心,因為Rocket夠最老去死"!!!! I rephrased it to 「我沒有傷心,因為直至Rocket最後一口氣,都活得精彩」

    2012-07-30 02:34:51 補充:

    Can't put everything here, the rest was sent to you by message. Please check.

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  • MY favorite <animal>

    My parents brought me a dog when I was a child. The dog Is called rocket . It is the most of <the> clever dog

    I <have> ever seen.(the feeling of now.)

    I played with Rocket< every day>(everyday is a adj. e.g.It is a everyday activity) and I got much fun

    with it and I didn't know how to describe how happiness

    I had. Since <that> day,( it is not a complete sent.=(S+V+O))We <used to walk>( past perfect contin. Tense is used when the action is in the past which has a definite time and in an along period.e.g. I had been waiting for him ten hours.)On the path at

    night. <When> were< also>( put it after ‘is,am) playing and running, we didn't

    know someone was following us. suddenly the guy <came>

    out and <stole>(not correct grammar and word) my wallet with <a> knife (undefined noun)but Rocket (going to is use as future tense:I am going to that meeting)attacked him as fast as it <could. Finally> the robber

    was afraid of rocket's brave and I had <saved> from Rocket

    Rocket< was injured> (past describe=past tense, past cont.=temporary situation and definite time. ‘Was injured’ must be used in this way, not ‘injured’(special word)) in <his >leg(abundant pronoun) and I immediately

    To<--delete(not necessary to use it as ‘to’ is used to separate two verbs) <hugged ><Rocket> and< ran> as fast as I could and <went> back home(‘back’ is a prep.. ‘back’ only can be a verb when e.g. I back up him= I support him) And my

    father helped Rocket wound a bandage around< its>(Rocket’s. It’s=wrong ,as e.g. it’s beautiful=it is beautiful) leg. And my

    parents also admired rocket <for> <its>brave.

    And now, Rocket< has> gone< for> five years. And I <am>( personal feeling in present)

    happy because rocket was happy< and he was oldest

    enough to< die> But now, I won't{ going to}<--delete it( I will not going to is abundant) have another dog

    because I was busy <with> my job, I don't have much time to fed

    <dogs>.(dogs=all kinds of dogs,dog=specific dog)

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  • 匿名
    Lv 6
    8 年前

    連中文都錯,係乜,唔係麥

    My favorite animals

    大細皆問題

    My parents brought(bring)/bought(buy) me a dog when I was small.The dog is called Rocket. It is the most clever dog I had ever seen.

    I always played with Rocket. I felt so happy that I didn't know how to describe / I felt as happy as I didn't know how to describe when I played with it.

    開新段

    One night, we had a walk on the path / we played on the park.段落腰斬

    請2選1,仲有你無端端作乜能用 past perfect continue,未學就唔好用

    段落繼續

    Meanwhile, someone was following us but we didn't know that. Suddenly, that guy stole(rob唔係錦用) my wallet with his knife. Then Rocket attacked him as fast as it could. Finally, Rocket's action scared the robber and he escaped. I was safe(save係verb, safe係adj) but Rocket's leg was injured(passive voice). I hugged Rocket in sadness and ran back home as fast as I could. My father wound a bandage around its leg. And my parents admired Rocket's behavior very much.

    好唔合符常理,點解唔送火箭去獸醫

    (自己比個時間, e.g. two years later), Rocket was gone.段落腰斬

    你up乜能野呀???你好想佢死牙?????以下內容我唔會幫你改,完全唔知你up乜能野

    And I was happy because rocket was happy because rocket was oldest

    enough to be dead But now, I won't going to have another dog

    because I was busy in my job, I don't have much time to fed

    dog.

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  • 8 年前

    errors and corrections:-

    (1)It is the most clever dog I have ever seen--

    (2)---on a certain night.

    (3)---had been saved--

    (4)--by winding bandage onto its leg.

    (5) I WAS BUSY IN MY JOB AND DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TIME TO RAISE DOGS ANY MORE.

    ---Trusting that you will use your abilities to write more compositions.

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