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匿名 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 8 年前

check grammar+spelling thx!!!

it is a little bit long,but hope you can check it patiently,thx u a lot:)

Once upon a time,there was a fairy.She had a magic bean. The bean was

green,so it called Green Magic Bean.If you ate it,you could fly in the

sky,but there was only this bean in the world.The fairy kept it in a wooden

box with a lock.However,another naughty fairy broke the lock and stole the bean.When he was holding the bean,he found that someone was behind him.He was scared.Unfortunately,he had a slip in hand.The bean fell in the man's world(我想指凡間,唔知岩唔岩)It fell on soil.No one found it,everyone just passed by it.After many years,it grew up and became a Green Magic Bean Tree.The people that passed by it were busy.They even didn't have time to pay attention to it.However,the tree fell some seed on the soil and then became other trees too.(想指D果實跌落泥土,變成其他tree) After many years,the trees became a forest.A hungry moon(想指擬人既月亮)had just hang around in the city because it didn't have a home and it didn't have money to buy food.It saw the Green Magic Bean Forest,it ran forward the forest.It didn't have food for a long time.Since that,it ate up a Green Magic Tree.The moon still felt hungry,so it continued to eat the trees.Since it was huge and round(想指大舊),so when it walked,the Green Magic Bean fell down from the trees.The forest wasall ate by the moon.It felt a little bit sleepy,it sat on the ground to sleep.Then,the moon flew up slowly.It didn't know that it was flying up.After few minutes,the moon woke up.It was shocked when it found that it was in hte sky.It shouted loudly,`Oh!Help!'

The sky was high.So,how could the people hear the moon?That's why the moon is in the sky.How about the beans?They all ate by the moon.There are no any Green Magic Bean in the world now.

THX A LOT:)

2 個解答

評分
  • Jenkin
    Lv 7
    8 年前
    最愛解答

    so it was called Green Magic Bean. [命名是用 passive voice] there was only one of its kind in the world The bean fell into the mortal’s world [mortal = 會死的 = 人類 (一般以這字對比神仙的世界)] It fell into the soil. [on the soil的on沒有錯,但是如果只是落在泥土表面,則跟之後句子說沒有人找到不合理,所以這句的preposition最好改為into意思是入了泥土中] They didn't even have time…[更正even的位置] A hungry moon(想指擬人既月亮)had just hang around in the city because it didn't have a home and it didn't have money to buy food. [用a hungry moon作為角色沒有問題,但把他放在一個固定的城市和要用錢買食物則不太合理] 修改為:A hungry moon was punished by the gods to be left in the mortal’s world. He (全部應該用擬人的他-不是死物的它) saw the Green Magic Bean Forest and ate up a Green Magic Tree. He was huge and had a round empty stomach, so he ate the whole Forest. During his eating, he ate all the Green Magic Bean before felt asleep on the ground. He began to flow up slowly. He didn’t’ know…. The sky was high, so people could not hear his cry.

    只更正一些句子和字詞的寫法以修正當中grammar,基本上沒有改動你故事的結構和表達組織,原創性不錯,尚可修飾,試以聽故事的角度讀一次你會發現那些次序和內容不太連貫或沒有關聯便要修改了,除了把想要寫的寫下,重要的是寫下文字句子的是組成故事的圖畫和建構有意思的內容。

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  • 8 年前

    When reviewing the reading of the story there is reasons for believing a direct translation from C/E.Exploring the relationship between speed of reading,comprehension,and retention bits,I can't do much..Try improving retention of interests through longer sentences structure,using clauses and phrases,ie.main cl with subj and verb,and sub.clauses..Techniques for personification are used:-eg;hugh and obese is the personification of allegorical representation of the Moon.

    Other correction:- eg:-A hungry Moon had been just hanging around.

    Being huge and obese,the moon had eaten up all the beans.

    They were all eaten up by the Moon.(passive voice)

    There were no more" kidney" beans because the Moon had eaten up all of them.

    Write to be read on your adverb clauses:-it was called, there it was, planet world for in the man's world,

    Write "For that" instead of "Since then"

    2012-01-26 18:08:59 補充:

    He began to (float) up slowly,Not flow up,means to move slowly in the air.

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