AbcDef 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 9 年前

英文作文(4)請求狠評 (urgent)

‘Peoplewho have had plastic surgery should not be allowed to enter beauty contests.’ Do youagree or disagree? Write a letter to the editor of a newspaper giving youropinion on the subject and explain why.

更新:

Sorry for my writing plz check the following website (its length exceeds the word limit)

http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6150/6030693013_a96...

thanks

更新 2:

and in para.1 should it be 'teenagers resort' instead of 'resorted' and 'recently, some people have argued instead of 'argue'?

更新 3:

In para. 2 'Then in the final round, the final five will have to answer a final question to contend for the title.' Do you think there are too many 'final'? How can I make it better?

in para.4, is paparazzi correct? Do I need to use plural?

2 個解答

評分
  • Jenkin
    Lv 7
    9 年前
    最愛解答

    普遍文法和句式都不錯,所以只指出一些phrasing和用字的修改:

    pp1.

    some people argue that contestants should not be allowed ...

    pp2.

    ... one-on-one meeting ...

    pp3.

    ... so as to present oneself in public / to the media

    pp4.

    Having plastic surgery without making effort will not achieve success.

    ["let your success" is Chinglish - 讓/令你成功 - 英語人不用let作「使 」的,原是主體和客體,let是主動式的對另一個人說,但you亦是指自己的話便不成立了。]

    Taking part in the beauty contest is like ...

    [雖然字義上analogous沒有錯,但這個比較是一般些的而非學術或科學性的analogy,所以用這個深字其實令你的類比的說服力減弱了。其實用補習讀書跟整容手術類比實在有點不太切合。]

    ... there are always news ...

    pp5.

    ... the effects on the contest is very minor.

    [subtle意思是「不明顯」但不是說這種果效,通常這個字是說「改變」不明顯才用的,或是一些很隱隱約約(不明示)的東西。]這裏的意思是「作用不大」那種「小」,所以我會用minor,請不要用中文來寫成「small」,亦是錯的用詞來形容effect。

  • 匿名
    9 年前

    我推薦您一個非常不錯的英語學習網站,里面有很多非常不錯的學習資源:

    http://www.hkenglishstudy.info/

    希望可以幫到你!

還有問題嗎?立即提問即可得到解答。