幫我改改文法+開頭! plz,急

以下是我作的一篇文章:

- 請看看文法有什麼不對

- 怎樣令開頭更有吸引力

- 對話之間的標點符號有沒有錯

- 可以的話, 怎樣刪短文章

<You've Got The Wrong Person>

Ned was hungry. He had been (or was?) too busy at work and ate nothing in order to save money. He hadn't had a bite to eat all day. He wasn't just hungry.

On his way home, he was ravenous. Ned phoned the local pizza parlor for a pizza delivery before he arrived home. Suddenly, he felt as someone standing behind him. However, no one was there. He looked around and felt ominous.

The pizza showed up hot and fresh just minutes after he got home. Ned sat down at the table and breathed deeply. The aroma from the pizza smelled divine. He flipped open the pizza box and reached in, prepared to grab a slice.

Suddenly, Ned felt a prescence in the room liked before. He looked around and saw a dark shape gliding slowly towards him. Ned screamed in terror and fell off his chair. The dark shape raised its arms in a threatening manner and drew near him. He had never seen anything so horrible in his life. The dark body started to moan and howl. Ned covered his ears and started to whimper.

"I am going to die!" he thought. "I've come for yours soul, "the ghost moaned. "You wronged me and now it's my time for revenge. Prepare to die, Ed." Ned was confused. "I am sorry. Could you please repeat that?" the ghost looked taken aback at first and then got angrier."I've come for yours soul, Ed!" the ghost shouted. Ned shook his head. "Um, Mr. Ghost, sir, " he said. " There's just a little problem. My name's not Ed," the ghost stopped."It's not?" it asked." No, my name's Ned," Ned said. The ghost looked skeptical.

" are you sure? I need something to prove, " the ghost said. Ned handed the ID card to the ghost. " Oh, what a mess," the ghost sighed." If was so embarrassed of me to ruin your supper. I can't tell how sorry I am." " It doesn't matter, " Ned was trying to reassure the ghost. " I've got an idea. I've got plenty of pie here. Do you want a slice?" " I'd love one, " said the ghost.

1 個解答

評分
  • 9 年 前
    最佳解答

    Ned was hungry. He had been too busy at work and ate nothing in order to save money. He hadn't had a bite to eat all day. He wasn't just hungry.

    On his way home, he was ravenous. Ned phoned the local pizza parlor for a pizza delivery before he arrived home. Suddenly, he felt as someone standing behind him. However, no one was there. He looked around and felt ominous.

    The pizza showed up hot and fresh just minutes after he got home. Ned sat down at the table and breathed deeply. The aroma from the pizza smelled divine. He flipped open the pizza box and reached in, prepared to grab a slice.

    Suddenly, Ned felt a presence in the room liked before. He looked around and saw a dark shape gliding slowly towards him. Ned screamed in terror and fell off his chair. The dark shape raised its arms in a threatening manner and drew near him. He had never seen anything so horrible in his life. The dark body started to moan and howl. Ned covered his ears and started to whimper.

    "I am going to die!" he thought. "I've come for yours soul, "the ghost moaned. "You wronged me and now it's my time for revenge. Prepare to die, Ed." Ned was confused. "I am sorry. Could you please repeat that?" the ghost looked taken aback at first and then got angrier. “I’ve come for yours soul, Ed!" the ghost shouted. Ned shook his head. "Um, Mr. Ghost, sir," he said. " There's just a little problem. My name's not Ed," the ghost stopped. “It’s not?" it asked." No, my name's Ned," Ned said. The ghost looked skeptical.

    " are you sure? I need something to prove," the ghost said. Ned handed the ID card to the ghost. " Oh, what a mess," the ghost sighed." If was so embarrassed of me to ruin your supper. I can't tell how sorry I am."" It doesn't matter," Ned was trying to reassure the ghost. " I've got an idea. I've got plenty of pie here. Do you want a slice?"" I'd love one," said the ghost.

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