CiNDy 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 1 十年 前

幫我改e篇文呀,thx^^

Tom and his friends were went camp one day last summer.

They were set up in beach, there was very beautiful.

They were swimming at night so they went to sleep at 10:35PM

There friend-Peter was dress up as a ghostd to recognize Tom and Jack.

They were be very afraid but they know that the ghosts was their friend so they play a trick on him.

更新:

At11:30PM,my friend and I decided to play a trick on Peter,we dressed up as a ghosts and went to Peter's sleeping place.

He was very a afraid and laugh out land ,We were very happy.

Finally ,he was said sorry to our. So this story is said to me , we are cannot play a trick on someone!

3 個解答

評分
  • 1 十年 前
    最佳解答

    因爲你個問題沒有寫中文意思, 所以我都唔確定改得岩唔岩, 因爲意思唔同就改得唔同, 以下是我所理解大致的意思, 其實如果想要表達得更好, 可以寫得詳細一點, 有很多地方都可以延長的, 不過我在下面D句子大致照我自己認爲有可能變化的不同意思做左幾個唔同ge修改, 希望幫到你啦!

    大概意思: 舊年夏天有一日Tom同朋友去左露營, 拒地係個好靚ge沙灘搭起左帳篷同起左火, 夜晚游完水10:35就訓覺, Peter趁Tom同Jack訓左就扮鬼嚇拒地, 拒地好驚, 但後來知道係Peter, 就想嚇番拒, Tom同Jack等Peter訓左, 就埋去拒訓個度扮鬼嚇番拒, Peter嚇一嚇跟住大笑, 拒地就好開心一齊笑 最後Peter都道左歉

    呢個故事教訓我地唔好o甘樣嚇人

    主要的錯誤都是用了'were', 這個詞通常只有過去進行式才會用, 這篇文章講的是去年夏天中的一天, 要用過去式.

    Tom and his friends went camping one day last summer.

    (去露營是動詞,所以用went camping, camp是名詞, camp fire是營火, camp site則代表營火區)

    They setup their tents and camp fire on a beautiful beach.

    They setup their tents and camp fire on a beach, the fire was very beautiful.

    (因爲我不清楚你想形容漂亮的沙灘還是漂亮的營火, 上面的是解釋漂亮的沙灘, 下面是漂亮的營火)

    They went swimming after dark, and went to sleep at 10:35pm

    (因爲游泳是動詞, 所以用swimming, after dark是指天黑之後, 接下來不能用so, 因爲沒有前因會不明白意思, 除非中間加一段變成: they went swimming for 2 hours(或更多)after dark, and got very tired, so they went to sleep early at 10:35pm )(這樣才有前因因爲游泳太累, 後面就可以用so, 解釋為"所以很早10:35睡覺") (如果是單純報告他們做了什麽, 開頭個句就得喇)

    One of Tom's friends, Peter, dressed up as a ghost to scare Tom and another friend, Jack.

    (因爲前面沒有説明有多少人一起去, 所以我假設3人, 多過2都可以用one of..., 如果總共只有3個, 第一句可以表明Tom and two friends went camping,然後這句就可以寫成 "One of Tom's friends, Peter, dressed up as a ghost to scare Tom and 'THE OTHER' friend, Jack, 多過3就用上面個句)(There是那裏的意思, 如果是想用Their的話, 就要確保這句之前有句子表明Their形容的是哪些人)

    They were really frightened, but then they realized it was Peter, so Tom and Jack decided to trick him back.

    (很多時要留意用代名詞, 例如 they, 要注意一定有前文表明這些是代表哪些人/事, 因爲有時一句有不同人, 只用代名詞很容易混亂)

    At 11:30pm, Jack and I decided to trick Peter, so we dressed up as ghosts and went up to where Peter was sleeping/went into Peter's tent.

    At 11:30pm, Tom and Jack decided to trick Peter back, so we dressed up as ghosts and went up to where Peter was sleeping/went into Peter's tent.

    (這幾句補充我不清楚你是特別需要用第一人稱定純粹一個錯誤, 因爲如果要接上文的話, 應該是用第三人稱, 以防萬一上面的是第一人稱(假設I是Tom), 下面個句係用第三人稱)

    He was shocked and laugh out loud, we all burst into laughter.

    He was shocked and laugh out loud, they all burst into laughter.

    (最好不要常常用同樣的字 shocked同frightened一樣係嚇親的意思, )(後半句的意思我不清楚是指三個人都很高興定只有兩個人,但前半句好似係寫嚇親之後就大笑, burst into laughter 意思就是大家都忍唔住笑左)

    Finally, he apologized to us.

    Finally, Peter apologized to them.

    (said sorry也可以, 但不用was, 不過said sorry很口語化, apologized是比較書面的寫法)

    This story is to remind us not to scare anyone like this.

  • Tracy
    Lv 6
    1 十年 前

    Tom and his friends went camping for one day last summer.

    They sat in beach, it was very beautiful.

    They were swimming at night so they went to sleep at 10:35PM

    Their friend, Peter was dress up as a ghost to scare Tom and Jack.

    They were be very afraid but they know that the ghost was their friend so they play a trick on him.

    At 11:30PM, my friend and I decided to play a trick on Peter, we dressed up as ghosts and went to Peter's bedroom.

    He was very afraid and laugh out loud. We were all very happy.

    Finally, he was said sorry to us. So I learned from this story that we should play trick on anyone!

    2007-02-06 17:52:13 補充:

    the last sentence should be:Finally, he said sorry to us. So I learned from this story that we should play trick on anyone!

  • 1 十年 前

    Tom and his friends went to a camp one day in last summer.

    They were set up in a beach, the beach was very beautiful.

    They swam at night so they went to bed at 10:35p.m.

    One of there friends,Peter, was dressed up as a ghost to find Tom and Jack.

    They were very afraid but they knew that the ghost was their friend so they played a trick on him.

    At 11:30p.m.,my friend and I decided to play a trick on Peter,we dressed up as ghosts and went to Peter's sleeping room.

    He was very not afraid and laugh out, We were very happy.

    Finally ,he said sorry to us. So, this story said that we cannot play a trick on someone!

    資料來源: Myself
還有問題嗎?立即提問即可得到解答。