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? 發問於 社會及文化語言 · 1 十年前

本人是會考生,請問我所的文章有錯漏的地方嗎? 可否加以改正 thank you

本人是會考生,請問我所的文章有錯漏的地方嗎? 可否加以改正 thank you

http://www.xanga.com/Engish_st

以上是本人的作文,請問當中有什麼錯漏?

文法不通順,或句法錯誤,或有更好的句子提議,請加以糾正,感激萬分 thank you very much

2 個解答

評分
  • 1 十年前
    最愛解答

    Hello

    Last week, a wonderful thing happened to me. When I was about to go to bed at twelve o`clock as usual, suddenly, I heard some curious sounds came from the bathroom.

    >> it would be more natural to say "When I was about to go to bed at twelve o`clock as usual, I SUDDENLY heard some curious sounds COMING from the bathroom"

    I plucked up courage and opened the bathroom`s door. I saw a hat on the floor jumping up and talking to me. I was afraid of it but I pretended not to be.

    >> pretty good! Just note that we usually say pluck up THE courage, so the first sentence should be "I plucked up the courage..."

    It said that it was a witch`s and wizard`s hat and it came from another world. I realized that it would give me magic powers. So I put on the hat for a second. I felt I was as powerful as a witch.

    >>no big problem, except that we usually call that kind of hat a "Sorcerer's hat". No need to say "a witch's and wizard's hat"

    I was very excited because I only need to move one of my fingers lightly, it would write my homework automatically.

    >>NEEDED, coz everything is in past tense and it should be consistent.

    My favourite food, I just held up my hands, I could get it easily. The latest toys and comics which I love very much, I also got in the same way. I was very powerful as if I was the lord.

    >> The words sequence is quite unnatural. It would be better to say "I just had to hold up my hands, and I could get my favourtie food easily. I got the latest toys and comics, which I love very much, in the same way. I felt as powerful as if I were God"

    I played my power until at night. It was the time to go to bed. While I was sitting on the bed, casually I saw a old man with a pale face in the mirror.

    >> It should be "I played WITH my power...". As for the word "casually", I don't think it should be used in this way. "While I was sitting on my bed, I suddenly saw AN old man with a pale face in the mirror" is probably better.

    I started to get worried and I realized that the hat didn`t only give me power, but it also gave ME a huge problem.

    >> Maybe you could add what the problem is. It's not quite clear what's going on now.

    Eventually, I remembered it had ever said if I return it to the box, everything would be fine as before. So I put it in the box back and it erased immediately.

    >> delete the word "ever". "...everything would be the SAME as before/ everything would return to normal" "So I put the hat BACK in the BOX, and the REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR DISAPPEARED"

    I think your piece of composition is pretty fluent and you've got some great ideas. I've put my suggestions in CAPITAL letters. I hope it isn't too confusing.

    Another thing, you've spelt the word "English" wrong in your xanga user name.

    Hope you get a good grade for this! Good luck!

    資料來源: English major and HKCEE A in English
  • 1 十年前

    Last week, something wonderful (a wonderful thing 是廣東話直譯,英文應該是 something wonderful) happened to me. When I was about to go to bed at twelve o'clock as usual, I suddenly (suddenly, i ... 也是是廣東話直譯) heard some strange noise (curious 是好奇,應該用strange 奇怪) in (可以用 coming out from 或者in) the bathroom. I got up the courage and opened the bathroom door (就bathroom door便可以,不用bathroom's). I saw a hat on the floor jumping up and talking to me. I was afraid but I pretended not to be. It said that it was a witch's and wizard's hat and that it had come (要用past part. 因為是這件事發生了的再之前時間) from another world. I realized that it would give me magic powers. So I put on the hat for a second. I felt I was as powerful as a witch.

    I was very excited because I only need to move one of my fingers lightly, and it would help me finish my homework automatically. My favourite food, just as I hold up my hands, would appear for me instantly (要keep住這幾句統一style). I even got the most fashionable toys and updated comics which I had long for very much with the swift of my fingers. I feel as powerful as if I was the lord.

    I played with (play 要跟with) my magic power until late at night. Finally, it was time to go to bed. While I was sitting on the bed, I think I saw a old man with a pale face in the mirror. I started worry about the illusion (illusion 是幻覺) and I realized that the hat hadn't only given me power, but it also gave a huge problem. Eventually, I remembered the hat had said that if I returned (if 是如果,還沒有發生,用if 之後,一定要用past tense) it to the box, everything would be fine again. So I put that hat into the box back and the box disappeared immediately. (我想這裡應該有1-2句感受作結尾) The experience was magical, but I don't think I would like to have magic powers again.

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